CHAPTER XXXIX: THE LAWS OF THE UNIVERSE

  I preferred to catch the net of what was already my daily life smoothly. But it was the night that all the veils should fall, and Luke, my dear mate, did not have mercy on me, and was on the verge of throwing me the last of his stings, as if my life had to go from a harmful animal to a harmful animal so that all of them resurrected me. I could not see that he tormented me because he loved me, so that there was no secret that could separate us again, no reason why I still had to cry. He had hinted at it in the story, but at the end he said it, the question I feared most:

− "Let me ask you another difficult and perhaps painful question, but not without before again ensuring you that I love you and that nothing will make that change: You also love Lucy, don’t you?"

   What could I do? Everything that lately was calm between us could suddenly become heavy sea. I could lose him again, but Luke had taken off that night all his clothes, he had undressed with love twice before me, the first time with his story and then telling me openly that he loved me. If I returned his effort, I only could do the same, and say it all, although it worried me, although he could get out of my life forever. But instinct told me that it was better to tell the truth, for nothing I would lose, perhaps because I had nothing to lose, and I spoke:

− "Yes, Luke. Still I have not had the calm to think since when, but I discovered it this evening. I love her." –I said with a faltering voice, and with fear, but with absolute sincerity.

− "You looked at me, Nike, although I can hardly see you, as if you still feared that I gave you, in response, some unexpected hit. Do not fear, My Mate, that's the best thing that could happen. And yes, it is the man who shares her bed and loves her who tells you. But I told you that the surprises that would bring the chronological order had not finished. What did you understand when in the story I told you this sentence: "but they did not know that for either of them, love, that beggar, perhaps stretched already under some bridge, attentive to the first clarity, to go to the road? She also loves you, My Beggar."

    I guess that I must have looked, in that long dark moment, stunned and almost horrified. That was, of all things, the last thing I expected to hear. Lucy loved me? But how? How long? Then Luke started talking to me again, first to recommend me to calm down for nothing, at least nothing wrong, was going to happen. Then I would be told the whole scene that happened between both the day we came back from the street for the first time. Forgive me, Protch, for telling you then deliberately half, but I had to follow a chronological order and I just knew it then:

   Luke had just kissed his wife and then followed an intensive dialogue between both of them, which he was telling me until he came to the most important moment:

− "Love that man." said Lucy at the end, addressing her husband.

− "I assure you that I already love him, my darling." –he answered.

− "It is not enough. Love him more." –she replied. And up to here I told you, Protch. You don’t know the rest of the conversation. But it followed.

− "Lucy, my life, if I loved him more, I would end up falling in love with him."

   She waited, as if her husband had still a cloud that covered his eyes. But she finally spoke: − "you would end up falling in love with him or you love him already?"

   He could not give that a direct answer, but did not deny it. Then he measured himself until he noticed clearly what his heart was trying to say. And finally he saw it:

− "It is true − he said then-, but what kind of man am I? And what kind of life can I give you? I only know for sure that I love you more than ever, that I have not stopped loving you for this."

–“I know. And as for what kind of man you are, answer yourself knowing where you come from and where you are. It is beautiful what has happened to you, Luke. I see in your sincere eyes that you are not ashamed of this, also, and I'm not going to censor you. But you must prepare yourself for something that you don't expect, my darling: I also love him."

− "I guess –Luke said to me then− I looked at her with a stupid face for many seconds, trying to understand what was happening, without success. And however, I don’t remember having felt any jealousy or discomfort."

− "Don't look at me with that surprise, my life − Lucy said-: you have always been smarter than anyone assumed, and I am sure that if you wanted to see, you would see."

− "And then I realized and finally I saw it –Luke said to me−, so that the words were not necessary. But now you must prepare, Nike, for something else that will surprise you. And I don't want to startle you, but this was what I saw: Lucy loves you since she knows you, from the first day. Both with me first and with you later what made her fall in love was the image of the tremendous change that she saw in us. She fell in love, if you like, of our redemption, My Mate. And there is nothing better than to be measured in her eyes. When she observes me, I forget who I was, because she only sees the man who I am now, the true one, not the one I was and so much sickens me. And your case is so similar that you only need the balance of her eyes to feel clean at the end, and joyful. And you will notice that we were not talking about what you felt for me, the two, she and I, already knew it. But Lucy had not finished."

− "But there is something more that I perceive that you're not able to see, Luke, you do not see either of you, because he feels it already but doesn't know it yet: Nike also loves me. Sooner or later he will notice what his heart is telling him. Patient, he will see it. But that will not make him happy because you know that he doesn’t want to separate us. Then, you, Luke, should have something prepared to relieve him. You have it already (it was impossible to hide something to Lucy), but he will need it because I have a feeling that when Nike is aware of all this he will be in a real desperation. And everything is as it should be."

− "So from many days ago, Nike –Luke said− you're in our bed. Every day we name you, and you can already understand that we revere your name. That night Lucy and I only talked about what we had discovered, and we have spent fifteen days seeking a way out, that if you don't see yet, then I will tell you. But do not be afraid to love her. Let the new blood of your heart flow where it must flow, but without fear, whatever you decide. All is well. Everything was written."

   How many times the terror that paralyzes your blood is not but the harbinger of a coming resurrection. It was the whole time before me, for me to look, but fear prevented me from seeing it. Each time it was a sharper image of the future, but it no longer frightened. Although still the trace of a protest stayed. I guess, dear friends, finally you see it, if you have not understood it much earlier ─said Nike, as he was eating but unaware that he ate. Reminiscences of previous famines guided him. Maudie and Protch had not assimilated what they believed to have realized long ago. But they began to accept it─. It was crazy. It could not be what I thought. It was not a solution: it was chaos. But I understood, at least, that there was no reason to leave. In an incoherent way, not wanting to examine the future, I began to think about Lucy: all her life on the street and still she let herself be rocked by the beauty of the unknown. I sensed that much of what could happen was work or inspiration of hers. That night she did not come to participate in the febrile feast of the morning, but I knew somehow she had been with us all the time, and recalling the words of her husband, I bet that she was already in our bed. In her amazing Wisdom, she never feared for me: she knew that Luke would rescue me, and anyway, she thought I would end up finding the strength that I was unaware of having. Her partner, my mate, looked at me without seeing me, but comforted me with his silence, giving me time to stray, and scare off slowly a terror that was going away. Then he spoke to tell me another scene, to give me something valuable: time, time to accept the future, which was already leaving its footprints:

─ "Tonight when you started to move away, when John stopped you and you came into his tent, I could have run again after you, for I was scared due to what I saw in your eyes, petrified and suffering. But once again I wasted the chance on my terror that seeing me then could kill you. Instead, I stopped my steps and came back with her, because talking to Lucy, when nothing can soothe, is always the last hope. Beside her, nothing seems terrible and you will understand it when you allow your heart to love her unconditionally, when you understand that I'm not going to object but to rejoice in your love for her."

─ "It almost scared me to see in the look on her face the trace of a smile, that had been there and now she softened watching me almost terrified. The two understood the causes of your despair: Paul’s words and to discover finally that you loved her. I felt an infinite anguish prevented me to speak, and she did it for me":

─ "I do not think that madness is stronger than Nike ─she said then. She gestured him to come into their tent, not to be heard─. But there must be something in the history of any of his ancestors ─I should not be surprised that Lucy knew things I never told her. And still her perspicacity frightened me─ that makes him fear. Calm down, my darling, he is more resistant than he believes to be and will end up finding it out. Nothing will happen; I don’t even fear that he gets away from us again. We had already accepted that he loved me and that he would discover it, and it has not been late, and that wouldn’t have defeated him. But the almost prophetic words of our son have almost been stronger."

─ "I can’t imagine what we can do, my darling".

─ "Maybe I can do something at this time, but he will need his mate more. Speak to him about the street and everyday’s beauty, and with you he will find the calm. Now it’s the time that you tell him everything you ever thought to say. It's time to tell him your story and do not fear to express to him that you love him. Go with him, Luke. Be yourself, and at the end of the night, we will see the beauty of the man we love. But also take something from me. Don't tell him immediately that I love him, because he still would not be able to understand it and is far from expecting it. But tell him this: "remember, Nike, in the end, the Earth knows the men who know His children and He will not open under your feet any abyss. Perhaps then he wants to give his heart to hear your story. And I know that from you will flow the beauty and that the heat will enter him, little by little, of our love."

   I had to say what I was feeling: "what a woman, Luke, what a great woman! And she is by your side, where I want her to be. But let me ask you something: has Lucy heard your story? Does she know it?"

− "Not yet, Nike. I wanted you to be first to hear it and then decide if someone else must listen to it"

− "Then I want to ask you something; since you say that I can tell anyone. I would like to be the one and never forget the words that you have used. She will see, like me, your beauty."

− "Thanks, Nike. I already said the tale is yours. And that would be perfect: you and she alone beginning to share your time and something of me in the background."

− "It is me who should thank you tonight. But let me again use your words to say that all is well, everything was written. I like things as they are. It has only changed that I am now, at the end, naked, and now I have nothing to hide. It makes me happy to see how the woman and the man I love love each other. All is well; everything was written."

   But it would not be so easy for Luke, who needed things to move. Then he came over to me and hugged me as he never before had done, with love, like an unexpected torrent which was overflowing. I began to notice his heat, and although I was like crying, I knew that it was not that what he expected of me, nor what was good for that night, the most beautiful of my life. And he accompanied his gesture with more words:

─ "We will never stop being mates, and tonight is cold. Beggars do not fear touching one another and warm through this contact. At least this, Nike, we are going to have, because I want to follow with you on the street every day. And you will not be able to avoid I give a big hug to the man I love. You've discovered this evening so much that you did not expect, that in certain things I understand your confusion, and I will give you all the time you need. But you are brave and certain news you can deal with them already. As you yourself have said, there are no reasons to make you leave or any need to hide what you feel. And since you are going to follow here, where you want to be, I want to keep going to the street with you and when you are cold I will make my best to take it out of you, like you would you do for me. And I love you. And I don't feel like concealing it. I also am new and I am living words and feelings for the first time. I know that in no way you could make love with me tonight and I am not going to ask you. But I had to make love to you and the words could be as intense as the taste of your body. Embrace me, My Mate. Whatever happens now everything will be different."

   We were new and I let myself be. I needed to feel him and taste that stimulating new sensation of not being afraid. But once again I was read:

─ "You have been frightened most of your life, and dead cold. But a beggar who is cold has no mate. And I need to be so. Welcome, Nike. Some time ago we are eight, and we only needed you were sure. Let us now that the other seven look for the best blanket, and that like the prettiest one covers you now the love of two of them who want to love you. Both you and I, the two of us have spent moments of terror. Last night I delayed a second because the little king was going to sleep and required me to lull him, as every night, and when I came out of my tent I saw that you were not already with John, and every step I gave without finding you the emptiness of panic overwhelmed me. I was unaware that you had left dead from pain, but somewhat less desperate, and it was then when I spoke with him and he told me so many things. But you're by my side now and I have to hug you. The specter of terror fades and we can no longer hear it. It must be dead. I'm by your side. We are together. I will not lose you again. All is well."

─ "Forgive me, Luke. So afraid I've been that I have not been aware of your fear. That’s why I accept you this embrace of love. I believe that, whatever happens, we need it. You will not understand me if I tell you that last night I saw Horizon again, as we called him, one of our ponies at Siddeley Priory. He loved Simon very much, as all our horses, and when my grandfather fired him, it began to notice his absence, so I think that's what killed him. Although we were told that he had the so feared EIA, equine infectious anaemia. It was a very hot summer. It was bleeding. I will never forget his eyes: a cry without tears bewildered and empty. It threw me then a dart which I have not forgotten, that many times after I have seen again, when I felt the same feeling. But I could only give him back my impotence. I looked at him with affection and embraced him: I could not do more. He died five days later –I sighed−. Last night it looked at me again, when I felt that I had lost the anchor to all answers."

─ "Nike, I think that there is a harmony in the universe that wants things to happen, because maybe the meaning of life is to learn. Your small Horizon has looked at you again to remind you that he left, but that you have a way yet to build, but solid, you must accept what is given to you. Harmony wants us to know the opposite of everything, to be able to later revive. Thus, it is every day hunger that makes us bless an old crust, from yesterday or the day before yesterday, and feel that strength returns to us. So much pain has achieved that you, unique among us, give your back to shame, which you have not known. Which you will not know. Because you can repent and leave the street, but while you walk it you'll go every day with firm step and naked eyes, wanting to live it, with pride. Pain makes us wise. Even fear is necessary. Because there is no darkness not reached by the morning twilight. It is almost time."


 

─The meaning of life is to learn ─Maudie interrupted unexpectedly, as if she were praying─: so simple. Nike, "I don't know what footprints have brought you here; but I am glad that you are staining the carpet." They were almost the first words that Herbert told me on the phone, and now I understand what he felt. Let me assure you that this is your home. And not because of the property that you do not want. But come whenever you want and fill us with mud.

   I was only able to say thank you, among tears that did not allow me to add anything else. I am a lucky man. Between us grew a respect which no longer ever extinguished. The wisdom of Maudie reminded me of that of Lucy, but focused elsewhere, most on the things of every day and yet, just as shocking.


 

─ "There is a harmony in the universe... in these moments it is flooding me, Luke. I won't forget this night, and I don’t feel like, as you've said, setting aside former despair. It is the opposite that harmony has given me to resurrect after breathing the beauty of this morning alone with you... It is true that it must be time for the morning twilight. Shall we see it?"

   Luke agreed and we went out cautiously, feeling the chilliness. It was still icy cold, but the wind had been lost. We knew where to sit: the same trunk of alder where we had been a few hours earlier. Now we changed direction to stand facing east. The first clarity timidly appeared while we took a seat. Luke’s jacket, which still was covering me, was going to be useful again. I took it off disregarding the cold I already knew and I put it a second on my shoulders. I convinced him that we entered each in a sleeve, he on the left one, I on the right one, and thus seated, put our bodies together which, despite the cold, soon were fire. I didn't want to be, however, classifying emotions then. He was, more than ever, my mate, and although I could already show him that I loved him, once again I preferred only to like him.

   And the morning twilight arrived on time. The entire east began to change color as the light of a litmus paper, and some cloud pregnant of the liquid water suddenly acquired the dye of the fluid blood, still that purplish, poisonous blood from the first wound of the day. And, after a few minutes, it was the emanation of red blood, healthy, the health of a night that is, however, dying so a new creature is born, so the day is born. Death just of a few hours... who could die as night and be born again a few hours later crowned of stars, or mists! Since then I love the morning twilight, that moment before dawn, the first clarity. Also the dawn, which is the same for almost everyone, but we beggars are rich with these things: one more moment of the day, two treasures available to anyone. I also like dusk, when day dies and now the living being is the night, emerging as a vampire from the violet poison of the blood of the day. You could not ask more to a morning that we were not going to sleep, and beauty should be something like that: he and I embraced tenderly looking at some stars which still lived and we didn't know then. We both knew that now we would like to learn them, to own another treasure, to delight in watching our beloved Regulus, which still was not visible. But others shone in a morning fog-free. And I thought I could distinguish, on my left, the Big Dipper, and I felt rich, immensely rich. And more gifts were to come, although I was not able to accept them immediately. But slowly I ended up taking them because there is a harmony in the universe that wants things to happen.

   At that time of transition towards dawn I thought I could listen to a remote melody, strange and leisurely. Perhaps a musician was playing close from there, but I don't think that nobody dared to play at that time, if it was not a beggar. And as nothing so far has proved my opinion false, since then I think what I heard that morning was the music of the spheres. Or maybe a giant, almost divine, musician enjoyed himself playing the lyre. But he must have hurt himself plucking the instrument and what now I could watch was his coat stained with blood, in that transition from black to purple, from red to white, until the yellow of the day triumphed.

   The morning twilight was close to hand over the baton to dawn when Luke spoke again:

− "It is always a beauty to see how the day is born. But that birth reminds me that you do not know that we three were born on the same day. Not only you and me, also Lucy. The same day, and I would say that almost at the same hour: July 30 about 7 in the morning, at dawn. Each one in the cradle meant for him, to finish all three in the same cradle: the street that feeds us. Another sign of the universe. But now our cradles might become the same bed, for there is still something to say. I repeat that you are a brave man, and that you will not say no without hearing me. At least, not yet. And you will not have a time of reflection without knowing first what you should meditate. The morning twilight is like everything else in life if you look through that glass: an unexpected gift and you have already seen dawn with us. But you won’t leave, and we can see it every day; mainly when it is not so cold. And today not only it is, but there are still things to say. We could return to the cave."

− "You are right in one thing, Luke. Perhaps I have the strength that I didn't know I had, and that your words have also given me, one by one, which I will remember all my life. So I don't know what you want to tell me –I lied− and I don’t know if I'm ready. But I will always have now a debt with my mate. And I owe you. I will hear you. Let’s return to the cave."

− "Remember, Nike, that for a beggar as valid are yes as no. To hear me does not compel you to accept, but at least I'd like you not to say no without first thinking twice about it. Come on, let's go."

  We returned to our burrow, for me, from that night and its memory, one of the most beautiful places in the world, or in my world. But on this occasion I was the one who sat next to the entrance to avoid Luke −damn Mr. Siddeley− cold. We sat. But he did not know how to get started:

− "Happiness is a river of calm, fast-flowing and crystalline water – he said at last, hesitatingly−, but you must previously have the will to jump into it and swim. But I think that swimming is one of your best singularities: do not then reject any river. There is a river that should already be in your eyes, which have already shown me that are not frightened to see..."

− "There is a river in my eyes – I broke in−, but I don't know if its waters will be the same as yours. And it would be unwise to mix them. I am not afraid to see, but to do next. In any case I will hear you, and you will hear me, but I do not know if this night, or nearly dawn, you will have an answer. You talk, please. I prefer it."

− "I think that the universe is sending signals of what it is correct. It is recently that She sends them, but She has arrayed the pieces and everything is in order. Nike, the sooner I tell you, the better, or I can be all day talking of others things for fear of your negative. And in any case, you can say no, but there are other two parts that already have decided. It is this: you love us both, and both love each other and love you. Don't you know where all this is leading?"

− "Perhaps. But please –when the wind, as a new vampire in that night of vampires, had retired to its coffin, the icy air of what I feared was blowing strongly with willingness to become flesh− you speak."

− "Lucy and I are an almost perfect couple, but now we have to fill a void, because we both love you and you're not with us, as Zosma in Leo. And you can have enough with being a gentleman in the distance or come to warm up in our bonfire: we should be a Three. Number two is almost always the one people follow, or the right one, but maybe not always. And I don't like the word threesome, much respectable, but certainly almost always used for a sexual drive, and ours is a love story; I don’t like triangle either, because it is more beautiful to be a husband, a husband and a wife, and no one should be just the lover. We are three; we should be a Three. It is the word that I prefer, but freely choose yours. Lucy and I want to share life with you, with your body and your soul, your laughter or your pain; we wish to accompany you... Thus, fulfilling my promise that matches your desire, the sacred couple will never break; it just expands. And after all, look at me, Nike: I'm not going to fight what I feel. I think when love comes, nothing can be done, but remember, in addition, your own words, and where I come from. If now I also love a man and that seems so beautiful to me, it means now there is not, there cannot be, a turning back. I don't want the bald man, not invited, to again knock at this door. Let him be where he is, in his fatal memory. And I know that Lucy is not going to fight either. She likes what she feels for you."

− "I can understand. A few hours ago I would not have been able to assume that both of you love me. Now I assume it. But I do not think that I can go further."

−"I do not think it is not no. And I fully understand that you cannot decide anything in just a few hours. But we will give you time, all the time you need. In any case, something has changed forever: Lucy and I will not only continue to love you, but we don't have any reason to pretend otherwise, and we will continue trying to convince you. Also speak with her, tell her that you love her, with no fear. Even you can go with her to the street whenever you want. In any case you can’t see that now nothing can be done, except renouncing the beauty of swimming, but even so, we would continue, the three of us, longing for the river."

− "How would it be, Luke? I cannot imagine us three in the same bed, and I still love your wonderful number two."

− "A perfect number, it is, but the universe is expanding, and our little universe could also do it and one of Her stars could give us the heat we need. Remember that Leo, without Zosma, is not more than an inverted number two overlooking west. Sometimes we could be all three of us in the same bed and sometimes we could dive into it to sanctify our three. But we would be, at the same time, three couples. Lucy and I, in chronological order, we can still be the first sacred couple, and no one is going to take away from us the beautiful name you gave us. Following that order, you and I would be the second, and Lucy and you the third. A perfect union of three with three couples. And if you're wondering how we would do it, remember that at this time we have two tents: yours and ours. You would continue to sleep, as you have so far, in your miserable tent –he was moved− but only one of every three days, when it is Lucy’s turn and mine to continue building the vastness of what we already have. But your tent is going to be good for the three of us –in his words you could see that he doubted not and that he had had time to think about all this madness. It is going instead of may. Luke seemed to give things for granted, and know what not even myself knew yet− and there will sleep every night the person whose turn it is, one of every three days, to be lucky enough to sleep alone while he meditates on the greatness that the two people he loves are loving. ”

− "And in poverty ─he continued─ we can even have our coat of arms, and don't be afraid of your past again, because this lineage is of beggars and we will never paint our arms, or have them. There is something that, if you look closely, sums up earth, wood and gold: our three cradles. It is the leaf litter, Nike: the gold of the tree that falls to the earth.

− "But it is not at all true –he went on speaking with difficulty. He knew that the next thing that he would say could be for me more objectionable− that the person who is not loving would sleep alone, because your tent is miserable, but there is room for two. And he who is not making love will be liking, lucky to have on their side the little king."

− "The little king... −for a second, I swear that just for a second, I had forgotten him− what is it you mean, Luke?"─I asked with a thin voice, almost crying again, driven by a fierce jolt.

─ "Nike ─there was hardness in his voice─, my middle name is Abram. But unlike Abram, I am not going to give my son following the foreign vagaries of a god that at a certain moment, when he demanded a sacrifice from a parent of he who was of his own blood, showed his most ignoble face, carried by a strange zeal of absurd fidelity. I don’t even hand him, because that little child will always be what I love most, above anything, and he will always be my son. But the laws of the universe are stronger than us. What I want, and Lucy with me, is that we are three, that we love all three, and that the little king –his voice was broken─ be the son of his three parents. You have always loved him as if he were your own blood and you have earned with him a right that is nobody’s, but yours it is. And we do not hand him over. We share him with one who will always seek his good and that, as we two, will live caring for his welfare whatever the sacrifice. Nike ─again his voice sweetened. But he did not conceal his love for me anymore─, you always wanted to contribute to his food. Whatever you decide, we will never deny you that right, which will be only yours. We were only waiting for you to know our project."

─ "Thank you for your words, Luke. And let me tell you that you have nothing in common with Abram, just the name. You have been given Beauty, but you should also be love, that tonight you've expressed in all its forms. But I cannot accept what you say, although I understand your reasons and am grateful for your generous offer"

─ "But there is more, My Mate. I thought you wouldn't be moved by knowing how much you love him. But then I have to express to you again how much he loves you. In his world of two and a half months, he does not know that his elders have placed in number two all that they consider correct. He has not had time to the ugliness of having been already civilized and domesticated. He has given his love to three people alike. Nike, in the time of what I have called your exile, he always loved Lucy and me, who he understands as his parents. But he felt incomplete. He cried at every moment, every hour, beyond what any child cries for, for his basic needs. He missed the man who gave him his love of father at birth and blessed him, and whom he has felt always as such. But you left, and in those two months, he did not stop crying, to claim what was denied him and so much he needed: his father Nike. When you came and cuddled him in your arms again he was now full: he stopped crying, because his parents were three."

− "And as we have almost nothing ─that’s what they say, but I do not change for anybody─, we have gifts, or if you prefer we have theologies, which also fill us. And we live immersed in number eight, for us sacred. And I don't know if you have noticed that the names that you and I have given each other are seven, as the imperfect number that we were before your arrival: my twin, my brother, my friend, man, My Beggar, My Mate and my love. Count them, Nike. They are seven: we need one more. And we love you. And we want to share with you the rest of our days. And our son has to be of us three. And I would like to be able to call you by the name that we need to be eight, a word like earth, wood and gold: a teacher, a trunk and light, a moving name: father. And just so the account of the given names would be complete. "

─ "I have to think about all this, Luke. I'll always love him. But I can be something similar to a godfather.

─ "You can choose whatever you like, Nike. And we will accept any decision you make. We only ask you to have a time of reflection, all you need. But Paul won't ever love you as a godfather. He does not want to know what he does not understand and in his mind and in his heart you are his father, and you will always be. We must admit that you have to decide, but the little king, Lucy and I have already decided. And remember that once you gave us another gift: your understanding for having a child in poverty. And we are sure that you will choose hunger grateful so that child, let me for a second say your son, does not lack anything. Lucy and I –But it could be Lucy, you and I─, will take care of his happiness, that which you predicted for him, rightly, in his birth. She and I do not take him to the street, but he lives here and we wish that, when he is older, he can choose: the outskirts of alms or any other world. And when a few years pass we want him to have an education and he might go to a school. At that time, we have no doubt that you would choose hunger with us so that he can get it. Or, if life brings us there, we could work. And we are sure that also in this case, you would work. As a parent, you would do whatever it is necessary for him. You can follow on the Thuban, your star, or you can choose another work, which you also would do with love, because you would do it for him."

─ "Luke, I cannot decide anything: I have to think. But I can remind you something now. I will continue on the Thuban until June, because I also made them, if you like, a promise, and that month ends my contract. But now nothing can take me away from here, and I want to be like you in everything and not to retain anything that can separate me from your path. I liked my job, but after that date they will have to continue without me. Whether I accept your proposal or not, I will contribute, if you allow me, to his education, and if necessary, I will accept any work and do it happily ─ thanks, Luke! ─ because I know that I will be working for him."


 

   The three of them finished eating, if eating can be called what Maudie, Protch and Nike did that noon. Herbert suggested then a coffee and Nike agreed, rather because it was apparent what the other two, his friends already, longed for, than because of his own desire or need. He felt that it had not cost just anything that his former servants understood him. And little could they give him, or a lot, to a man who did not ask too much: nude friendship, a meal or a coffee, the beginning of the path of the future.


 

─ "Thank you ─Nike went on talking and repeating Luke’s words─. You are finding this very difficult. And we know it. And I say we know because Lucy is here with me and shares everything that I have proposed and what little is missing. Because there is still one more part, My Beggar. Do you want to hear me?"

─ "Whatever I am able to decide I'll always want to hear my mate and, okay, I will say, to know the taste that the present has in my mouth: the man who loves me."

   I already knew it: Luke’s beauty. But all beauty can be bigger and when you've expected anything of such a splendid man, I still had to hear what made him huge in my eyes: such a great love towards life, towards the people that he called his wife and his husband that I will not be able to tell you.

─ "Listen to me carefully now, My Beggar. It is some time since Lucy and I want to have another child. But two weeks ago, my love for you, that grows every day, makes me wish ardently to also have a son with you, a son who resembles the only Nike I've known: the beggar Nike. But I know that this is biologically impossible. But is it always? We still have adoption, but they would make us thousands of questions, and even if we can hide the three of us love each other, we could not help but betray our misery. When there seems to be no way out and all options have been ruled out, suddenly you can see a different one, luminous, if you want to see it. Are you able to see it, My Mate?"

─ "No, Luke, I cannot" ─I felt an icy and sudden cold, but I didn't know of what. And this time I was telling the truth: I could not imagine.

─ "We would be two men and a woman. And there is a way of having a son of both -in that moment, when I began to understand, I didn't feel any more fears. I would not accept the proposal, I thought, but Luke was transformed into a giant, the God of Beauty. And I was really lucky really to have met him. I understood that a man like him can only be loved, surrendered, when the drops of his sacrifice were the first in the water from another river: the river of pure love, of the consciousness that when one loves there is no impossible, because love transforms and creates─: you could have a child with her, with our wife. ”

─ "I love you, Luke ─I said crying and now not wanting to even avoid it. I tenderly touched his shoulder, in a gesture I did not know whether of appreciation or of shaken amazement─, but how do you want me to accept that?"

─ "I just want you to think twice before you say no. Because this last thing can be as long as you want, if that is your wish. But it's good you know everything now. To know that Lucy is also here with me. She wants a new son from me and a new son of the other man she loves. But when you have to reflect, think about this, Nike: nobody assures us that we are not going to get angry with each other. Imagine that you have accepted the Three and the little king as a child. Go on dreaming and think that one day you and I are separated by something silly, or a serious thing of those that remain and can destroy any love. Imagine that at that time ─some tears escaped him then─ I commit the greatest iniquity in my life and I don’t allow you to approach Regulus or see him more. It would break your heart, and it wouldn't be fair, because you are his father, whatever I might have against you. Never, and you have from me a promise that if I do not fulfill it I will deserve your contempt, will take him out of you. In the same way, that girl or that son will always be of the two people that I love, and mine, my child also. Because you would never prevent me from giving him all the love that I want to give him as a parent. And as father I will love him, even if I have not engendered him. It will be another son of us three, and it will have ─let me complete your words, which one day made my fatherhood happier─ the Wisdom, the Beauty, and the Commotion of his parents. And he will be happy, because many people, three, will give him their best. I am sure that you have thought that what I say is from me a sacrifice ─he was right─ but the only sacrifice will be of the three, who will be, with pleasure, hungrier or more in need, for the sake of our two children".


 

   That night, already morning, Nike was finally in Leo, the sign of his birth, the same one he shared with Lucy and Luke, and then he ended his journey through the zodiac. The Sacred Family, the lion, began to take shape. A star was still necessary to have the main five: Elased, southern star of the head of the lion, which was already in three minds, ready to be known, to light with its arrival a whole constellation, a not very powerful but solid light that would shine in the bonfires of the burning love of its three parents, and of Regulus, its brother. And it had to be born to love them.


 

   All of this reminds me, Protch, of the first day, when you wanted to know something about my family and I did not speak out because I myself took a while to accept it. How to describe it to you suddenly without the preparation of the chronological order? And what could I tell you? With everything you could think you would be right. I said that I liked men because due to the circumstances of my life I had to say what for so long I had denied, but I like men and women. You would doubt then if I had children with a man or with a woman. With both, Protch. But natural children, what could only be possible with a woman, or adopted children, what can also be with a man? Natural and adoptive, with a man and with a woman, whatever you would think, you would be right, but how to explain it to you then? My family began to be that day, but I myself protested and you will now see that I did not accept it easily. And I have two children, Protch, and both of them I love more than anything, but one of them I did not engender.

   Protch had then a knot in his throat and could say nothing. But for once he had the same traitor as Luke and Nike and his crying face spoke for him. In it you could see that he wanted to get to know them and he imagined himself with Maude caring for them on occasions. "You will be a grandfather without having ever had any children," he started to understand it. He wanted to know the little king, and the little boy, or girl ─Nike had not said and he was not going to ask─ who must now be part of the kingdom of life, but who in the chronological order of his most beloved beggar was not even born. So words didn’t come easy, but it was Maude who spoke:

─Nike: Herbert and I can take some time to understand it, but you don't have to worry about us; we will understand it. And the only thing that should be considered is that the three of you agree and respect one another. I'd just want to ask you a favor and excuse me if what I have done does not seem correct to you. But when Herbert was telling me the story on the phone, I summarized it to Mitch. I know that you almost don't know him, but for him you are now more than a distant legend of the past and he is beginning to love you much. Your blessed three first will make him smile, as unorthodox, but I'm sure that at the end he will be touched and he will love you more, and not only you ─she smiled−, but all who accompany you. And the favor I want to ask you is that you let me tell him what is missing.

─I am glad of what you tell me ─I returned her smile─ and you don't need to excuse yourself. My story can be as the hug that I want to give him.

─Thank you ─she said stern but grateful─ he has not many hugs lately. If you really want to do it, let me think how, but you will.

─I still have much to tell, Maudie, but I do not have a single dain now. But I really would embrace him ─I said with determination.

-Then you will. We'll see what we can do. And please continue telling us your story.


 

─ "I am willing to live ─I continued─ any sacrifice for your child, or for your children. Really you should be the ones who have it, Lucy and you, even if I accepted the three, since your couple, which so much I love and so much I respect, began before I knew you. But let me think calmly, please. Give me time, as so many times you've said, now that I know your proposal. All my life I've succumbed to modesty, which has been a thorn that has gone deep and there is no way to remove it. And with it always on my shoulders, I cannot decide anything, because I am even cowed to accept your wonderful three. But once more, I know that I could repent of any decision taken. It is not easy to assent to anything, Luke, above all to the last part. That, surely, I do not think I accept it".

─ "Well, Nike. Since you are here, at least, you have not known Shame and we will welcome its relative modesty. And of course you will have time: there is no hurry. Or maybe there is. You see, My Mate ─and suddenly his voice vibrated with a touch of bitterness that had not been there in all the night─, think also about the common fate of all men, which in my case is a threat that I've not been able to stop thinking. But I have already had time to face it, or that I would say, but you might not. Listen to me, My Beggar, if the prophecy comes true, if a nearby day I have to go and leave in the dark the two people I so much love, I will have when going the only comfort that you will be together taking care of our children ─he began to cry─ and I will request you, Lucy and you, to love each other more each day, and not to forget me. That’s why Nike, whatever you decide, if one day you no longer see me because I've gone to where I cannot be reached, take care of our children, who will also be yours, and take care of her."

   I still don't know what will be the future of this ill-fated prophecy. But Luke and I have spent several years loving each other, trying to forget this threat, and even if we don't get it, at least we postpone it. When he reminded me of it again, so as not to cry, I remembered what he had said before that with Lucy nothing seemed terrible. Lucy: I have not yet had any occasion to express how much I love her. To look at myself in her crystals and feel what a mirror must feel that reflects the body which considers itself perfect. Only with her, I feel beautiful, pure and almost full. Love her as the sea must love the sea gull, as an announcement of good water and good food, a pilgrim in long journeys which tells the ear of the waves the whispered secrets it must have heard in other latitudes. Love her as hunger to the bread that is given, as cold to the dress that protects and conceals it. Not having met her would be like a summer without the red firefly of Antares, like a spring without Regulus. She did not seem to believe in predictions. Life would end up writing the last accent without mistakes in prosody, when really necessary, and predictions only approached the right thing, but one had to know how to decrypt them.

─ "Think how you've managed to read us all ─he went on─ much before you got the intuition that is earned in the street. And how you have read the greatest of women: you know that Mistress Oakes does not usually make mistakes, Nike".

─ "The time that I have known her was enough to know it. I guess, Luke, that what she saw will happen, but I cling to Lucy, who I do not think is worried about your sake, and let me say that she is also wise. We will wait crossing our fingers. But it might be that the oracle is correct, but not its decipherment. Something may be wrong: you are young and are full of life, and Lucy and I will not allow it".

─ "Whatever it is, we don’t have too much time, My Beggar, but we will give it to you. But a man who knows how to read may not need too much, and may only need to try if he can swim with us or he believes that he will drown in these waters."

─ "I cannot see the future, Luke. But I can see that I will stay, because your act of immense love has saved me, and now I will not fear anything. I do not see likely, however, that I will accept everything, but I am aware that you are going to keep trying to convince me. I like your Three, that I can tell you, even if it looks crazy, but it is true that we beggars have our own laws. It may be that I accept it, and yet I don't want you to have false hopes. But be it as it may there are no reasons now not to say that we three love each other, and that at least our friendship is above any barrier. But in that case, what would we tell our fellow mates?"

─ "The truth, even when, as now, it is only a project. And they will make an effort to understand us or at least they will respect us. I think that even some have already guessed it. It is impossible not to see the cleanness of our hearts, and there might be some misunderstanding, small, but only momentary. At the end they will bless us because they love us three".

─ "Then ok, even if it is never carried out, but I do think that they should know that we are where we are without my great traitor betraying me again. It is about time that I do not hide anything, and you don't even want to hide the truth. From now on, neither will I, Luke. I prefer to go ahead with sincerity".

─ "Amen. And I always say, I guess you admit it now, you're stronger than you thought. And look, Nike, we are three: we will share the task. I think there is a man who tonight has not been able to sleep, and you must tell him: you can talk to John and tell him all that has happened and what we have planned. So he will have something that will help him to keep his mind occupied in Miguel’s absence. Lucy, of course, will talk to her mother, and I would like to talk to Mistress Oakes. We still have Bruce, but as I know that the appreciation that you have for each other is mutual and huge, you can also be the one who tells him. Besides –the light faintly began to enter the cave and I could see then that Luke winked at me─ I think he knows about your love for me as well as John, doesn’t he?"

─ "Yes, My Mate.  He did guess it and at that time it was a great relief for me to inform him".

─ "Do not be afraid: of course he kept your secret, but I seemed to guess that he knew".

─ "All right. It will be as you say. I will speak with John and Bruce".

─ "The light of dawn is already entering. Today we will not be able to sleep and it is not a good day for you to waste in meditating. Also talk to Lucy, show her your love without fear and allow this dawn and its calm light to penetrate you little by little: your love story is also in the dawn, and you have hours of light ahead to live. Today is only a day to love and to discard old terrors; and whatever has to come, will come. This afternoon I want to return with my mate to the street. With her, Nike, you can go tomorrow or when both want it, while I am caring for the little king. And remember that we wait for you, we desire you and we love you and think of us when you are reflecting, recalling also that for this woman and this man the greatest reward will be to pour you our love, that love you've earned."

─ "I love you, Luke, but believe me; I have not even imagined us making love. And yet..., all right: I will speak with her. I have to tell her also, she should know it for me even if she already knows. And thank you, My Mate. I will always love you, even if I decide to follow in my shadow, renouncing your cascade of heat".

─ "You’ve not even imagined us making love: loyal to the thorns. Yes, I understand, you would not allow yourself. Nike, to unleash what we feel would hide a new beauty: neither you nor I know how it must be done, but we would be learning it. Look at me, My Beggar: on November 18 I will have been a year with her, let me say our wife, and a year on the street. That day I must make love to Lucy passionately. And you need time. If you've made any firm decision when November comes, day 19 you and I will make love and on 20 it will be you with her. And starting from there count every three days: one day you will be alone, the next day you'll be with me and the third one you will live with her. I do not know what you will decide, Nike, but in case you accept I'd like you to do one very simple thing: today it will not be very cold, despite the cold that has frozen us tonight. You can swim or have a full bath. But from today until November 19 do not do it again. When we make love, I want to bathe in your scent. And I wish you to choose what I should do."

─ "I haven't decided anything yet, Luke. How can I answer you? But I will answer anyway. Do whatever you think it is more convenient, but for you, not for me. Your scent has never scared me. And if I choose, I would leave you as you are now".

− "I repeat that you know how to be brave. Very well: that’s what we’ll do, whether it is possible to swim or we never make love. Remember that more or less by then there will be another new moon: maybe you come to life again and give us the greatest joy, Lucy and me, and the enormous pleasure to be able to show you that we love you. In any case, wait for the moon to change: it will give you capability to choose the most suitable".

   I did not know what else I could object and it was the first time in my life that it was me who brought this topic.

− "But Luke –I said−, neither you nor she have looked at me well. Behold my ears".

− "What’s the matter with your ears? −and suddenly he kissed them tenderly, and that was, I swear, the last time I felt them ugly and disproportionate− I like them".

− "Are they not too separate? They have called me many times a vampire".

− "And what's wrong in being a vampire? The three of us are a little. See that we take the blood of the sunset and the few remaining blood in the morning twilight and that, from now on, we will devour stars. And when dawn makes us weep, we will remember the happy night and its spectra. We are reborn with darkness and change of life with the sun of the street –he looked at me again−. They are cute, My Beggar –and he began to touch them with sweetness−. And in any case, I like this vampire –he smiled. And for the first time I returned his smile− who has bitten me many times."

  That's how with them little by little I learned to feel complete. All my ghosts retired looking for a mass of fog to mix with. Now I can’t see them. They went away and have not returned. The light entered now in abundance through the door of the cave, killing the last ghosts. It would soon be dawn.

− "Let's go, My Mate -said Luke−, a new day begins, and you have to swim, talk to two beggars, tell a woman that is waiting for us how much you love her. Vampires withdraw until the next night in which we will finally sleep. Don't think about anything and just feel. And sleepy we will go this afternoon to the street, to earn the bread of our children."


 

   Our children: yet it was nothing more than a project, but the endless night of that Oct. 20 was playing chess and was going to move the pieces along their squares and modify their movement. A couple would expand in three with a child who was going to be given three loves. And the first seed had been planted for another child to come. It is not true then that the human being has not been allowed to create. They finally left. In the Cave of Beggar Sally was the trail of two night owls as on an altar of mutual open secrets, the ground as the poor table of beggars where the food had been two chocolate bars and the blood of two hearts, friendship and courage, fear, and love, and the acrid condiment of cold. Now it was time to swim, and for a few hours to part; Luke to talk to his wife; Nike to inform two loyal fellow mates. They separated in the ring finger. Some stars could still be seen.